my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
