Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
