I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
