This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
