two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
