Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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