So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
