I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
