The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
