Your face is a jimmy john
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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