we're chasing vodka with high fives
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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