I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
