So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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