Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
