I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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