Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
