Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
