College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
People in love make me want to vomit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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