I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
