Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
