guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
