He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
