I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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