Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This baby is an asshole
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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