by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
