I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
