i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
