yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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