I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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