dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
