new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
