Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
