Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
