she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A+ Viking dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
