Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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