spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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