So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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