I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
