you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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