I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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