i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have so much sex to catch up on
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
