I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
