you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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