hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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