Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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