Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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