I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You need Xanax blowdarts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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