the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize