I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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