i already hear my dad disowning me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
