I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
