Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize