I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
