Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
