Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
