WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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