I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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