Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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