There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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