The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
