the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
did i just pee glitter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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