Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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