A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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