Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize