I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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