Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
