you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
