he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
