I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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