She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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