i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want a musical about memes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
