FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
